There is a big BIG difference between Stuffology and traditional professional organizing/clutter clearing.

Last week I gave a short presentation to a networking group. There was an older gentleman sitting quietly at one of the tables with his hands folded out in front of him and a gentle smile on his face. The way he was listening to me, really paying attention…it felt like he was taking it all in and processing it from some sort of lived experience. I wasn’t wrong.

He came up to me afterwards and said he wanted to tell me about his one and only experience with a professional organizer. He hired a gal a number of years ago to come over to his house to help him go through his office. (To reiterate, this is the one and only thing that he remembers about the session.) She sees an array of framed pictures of his children and asks him how long he’s had those pictures up. He says, “Oh a few years now”. She then goes on to ask him why he’s had the photos up for that long and suggests that he get rid of or replace them.

What happened before or after this few second interaction is a total mystery. But one thing for sure, he was done with professional organizers. His impression was that her #1 agenda was for him to get rid of stuff and/or have less stuff—and that didn’t work for him. He hired her because he wanted help deciding what to do with clutter and piles that had built up over time. He wanted help because it’s hard work to do on your own. He wanted help looking at what he had and seeing if he could create better systems. Instead, what he got was judgment and a feckless opinion coming from someone who knew nothing about him. And for him, that was simply the end of that.

He then went on to tell me that he appreciated and was encouraged by my Stuffology approach. He said he didn’t know there were people out there that offered this work the way I do (I don’t honestly know anyone either). He said he thought professional organizers were important but get a bad rap because most of them approach it the way the gal did with him way back when: with black and white rules, “do this and that” pat approaches and a sense of knowing it all.

That is not what Stuffology is about.

Do I think most people have way more stuff than they need and want and are feeling a level of distress about that? Yes, I do.

Do I think most people know how to self navigate through their belongings to achieve the living environment that they wish and dream about? No I do not.

We all need help is the thing. We need help getting into shape (I’m currently in a strength training program with a coach.) We need help keeping ourselves together and looking good. (Who out there cuts their own hair?) We need help from professionals when difficult issues arise in our relationships, we need help when we get an infection or brake a bone.

We all need help but more than even that, some of the help we most need is best paired with a listening ear, a heartfelt, “I hear you”, a question and then another question—instead of quick and pat replies.

I only learned this through my own trial and error. Going into someone’s home, their sacred space, as the organizing boss lady, rarely worked out well in the long run. Maybe for a short time a client was able to keep up with what I had put into place (in the early days), but more often— I have seen this countless times, their home was worse off down the road then it was before we started. Why is that?

The simple reason is because I was making the work about me, what I knew, and how I felt I could best apply my skills and talents to them and their homes. I sincerely wanted to help my clients but I had the order wrong. The most effective way I could help, I learned, was to ask probing questions, be very curious and compassionate, hold a strong container for their pain and struggle, and then and only then, help them navigate through their things, bit by bit.

This worked. Clients felt seen and heard. They felt safe to open up. They were more easily able to tell me the stories and share context, which is so helpful when you’re going through your belongings. From there, I could then further the process with more inquiry to help move things along. The eventual outcome for my clients was a home that felt more like them, a space they could really relate to. It was not a home that looked like I lived there! Why would it? It was their home, their systems, what made sense to them. That is the beauty and magic of Stuffology.